Inspired by Gene Key 27
A Category 5 storm hit my life in 2013. My 6-year-old daughter was sexually abused by a family member I had paid to babysit. That decision still haunts me. She endured a year of relentless flashbacks and the kind of depression no 6-year-old should ever face.
Bedwetting. Scream crying. Endless flashbacks.
Hating myself.
Hating them.
Hospital stays.
Angry in-laws.
Police statements.
Fighting to protect.
So fucking tired.
Court appearances.
Them against me.
Guilt-fueled.
Heartbroken.
Desperate to make it better.
That’s what I remember about 2013.
Some of her family’s reaction to the abuse created layers of complex trauma for my daughter. Over the years, her mental and physical health became a rollercoaster of highs and lows. I made it my mission to fix her.
Therapy. Meds. EMDR. Bio-Energetics.
Please let this be the thing that works.
She needs more routine.
I’m not good at this.
Gentle parenting.
Hi, this is Casey calling—she won’t be at school again today.
I failed.
JUST FUCKING GO TO SCHOOL!!!
Tough love.
Just love.
Scouring her astrology for clues.
Fuck, she’s gonna die.
I want to hide.
She’s making that face again.
Wall formed.
Jaw clenched.
SNAP OUT OF IT!!!
I love her.
She wants to die.
Naturopath. Gut health.
Yes, this is the answer.
JUST TAKE THE DAMN VITAMIN!
Suicide.
What will I see when I open her door?
I’m so scared.
I can’t go in there.
I’m a horrible mother.
I give up.
She’s weak.
No—I’m weak.
Nothing I do works.
Sorry, coach, she won’t be at softball again tonight. She wants to kill herself.
Silence.
YOU DON’T KNOW HER!!!
Numb.
Fix me.
For years, I carried the weight of her pain like it was my own personal failure. Then, slowly, my contemplation practice began to transform my relationship with my daughter—and with myself.
One day, I had a breakthrough while listening to a cover of Let It Be. It felt like a frequency transplant, a full-body realization of the song’s meaning on the deepest level.
I finally saw the truth: all my fixing was a distraction from my own pain—and a rejection of hers. I wasn’t truly sitting with her grief. I was pretending, my mind consumed with solutions or frustration. My need to fix her wasn’t just about helping her—it was about easing my own discomfort with her pain.
Was it selfish to try to fix her so I wouldn’t have to feel helpless? Yes. And that realization broke me open.
That epiphany shifted everything. I stopped trying to fix her and began accepting her as she is, moment by moment.
Without the pressure to get better, she can now fully embrace her darkness and let it move through her naturally. And I can sit with her—not as her fixer, but as her mother.
Sometimes I still fall into the shadow, but more often, I can let her be whoever she needs to be. And for the first time, I know—no matter what happens, she will be okay.
Gene Key 27: Selfishness → Altruism → Selflessness
The 27th Gene Key invites us to examine the true nature of care. At its Shadow frequency, Selfishness, we may mask self-serving motives as altruism—helping others to avoid our own discomfort or to feel validated. At its Gift frequency, Altruism, we find genuine care that nurtures others without expectation. And at its Siddhi, Selflessness, we transcend the need to give or receive and simply embody love in action.
In my story, I see the Shadow of this Gene Key so clearly. My relentless need to fix my daughter was rooted in my discomfort with her pain—a subtle, unintentional selfishness. It was only when I accepted her as she was, without trying to control the outcome, that I began to move toward Altruism: a care that nurtures without conditions or hidden motives.
Contemplative Applications
Here are a few questions to guide your own reflection on Gene Key 27:
• What motivates my desire to help others? Is it truly for their benefit, or am I avoiding my own pain or discomfort?
• When do I find myself over-giving? What am I trying to prove, and to whom?
• How can I nurture others in a way that honors their autonomy and natural process?
Spend time sitting with these questions without judgment. Notice when your desire to help shifts from genuine care to control, and see what arises when you simply allow.
Practical Insights
- Practice Radical Acceptance: The first step toward Altruism is letting go of the need to fix. Sit with someone’s pain without trying to solve it. Simply be present.
- Examine Hidden Motives: Before offering help, ask yourself, Why am I doing this? If it’s to relieve your own discomfort, pause and breathe into that feeling instead of acting on it.
- Balance Nurturing with Boundaries: True care doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself entirely. Give from a place of wholeness, not depletion.
- Let Nature Take Its Course: Sometimes the most nurturing thing you can do is let someone navigate their struggles in their own time. Trust the process.
Gene Key 27 reminds us that true care isn’t about fixing or controlling—it’s about nurturing life as it unfolds, in all its beauty and messiness. It’s about trusting that love, in its purest form, is enough.